I think asking her to stop all communication is a bridge too far. If it's a deal breaker for you, then you may need to date somebody else. She's only been in your life for 4 months. That early on if some guy tried to tell me who I could talk to, I wouldn't be thrilled, especially if that person pre-dated my now dissolved marriage. Because Steve is now married himself & no longer free, I suspect if you don't make a big deal out of it, their interactions won't be a thing. An occasional, how is going text is nothing to get worked up over. If she's routinely sitting on the couch ignoring you in favor of texting him, that is a problem.
Your H is on to the fact that her behavior has become bizarre and inappropriate thats why he didn't give her a ride home the last time. Still, as a member of faculty he should have known better than to have had an on going email "friendship" with a student.
I agree with studlee, she's not for me, but whatever.
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