To my Dear Olive,
Now that I’m halfway done with my pregnancy I find myself missing you more and more. No, you haven’t spent more time away from me, but I’m starting to mourn the fact that you’re not going to be my only child anymore. You’re not going to be my only baby anymore.
For so long, it was just you and me. Daddy traveled a lot for work and school for the first 2.5 years of your life, and during that time you and I spent so much time as a team; just us girls. Yes – sometimes things were rough and lonely, but we made it through, together. Adapting to early motherhood was very challenging for me, I’ll admit; but as you started to grow into this emotional, sweet and happy little girl I just fell in love with you, and in love with being a mom. More specifically, in love with being your mom.
While I’m really happy that we’re pregnant and expanding our family, I can’t help but think about how my attention is going to be divided between you two kids. I can’t help but already miss the time we spend alone together: our Color Me Mine dates, our park dates, or our mani-pedi dates. I’m going to miss you being my friend, my sidekick, and my partner in crime.
I’m also worried that you won’t understand why we can’t hang out all the time anymore. I’m worried that especially in the early days (the ones that are full of breastfeeding and no sleep – we went through that with you too!) that you will mistake my absence or fatigue for me not loving you anymore. Or that your baby brother has replaced you. Or that I don’t want to hang out with you. Because I promise you that I do, very very much so.
I miss our time together so much already that it makes mama really sad. I will try to snuggle up on your more these few months, so please don’t think i’m smothering you. To be honest, i’m probably going to pull you out of school on random days, ‘just because’ – I intend to soak up as much of our duo as much as I can. What do you want to do? We can go to the zoo, or the bakery….whatever you want. Let’s do it.
Oh, before I forget. I just want to say that I am so proud of the big girl that you are. You are kind, and thoughtful and funny – and you have a sweet and generous heart. You are not only an amazing daughter to Daddy and I, but you are going to be the best older sister. I can’t wait to watch you discover that relationship and learn how to love your sibling. It won’t always be easy, but mama knows that you’re going to be great at it.
One last thing – please don’t ever forget that you’re forever my firstborn child, my first true love, and that you and I will always be something special. I’m here for you, and I’ll never be too busy to listen to you, to love you, and to be there when you need me. I promise to always make time for you.