For you, I wish I was Better


In the past few months, Olive has been going through some major sleep changes.

Of course, our little holiday season (with two trips to Aspen and Hawaii…where we co-slept…..) didn’t help, at all.

Developmentally she’s grown leaps and bounds – and so of course, with cognitive leaps, comes sleep disruption. I get it. But these new sleep troubles are different; it’s not just crying, it’s trying to leave her room, it’s pleading, it’s long tirades of words, it’s negotiation with mom and dad for just “more water”, or “more hugs” or “hey can you tuck my stuffed animal in please?”

About a month ago, she started to wake up randomly in the middle of the night, asking for the same things. She has never, ever ever done that – she’s slept through the night since she was 4 months old. So Patrick and I are tired, impatient for it to get better, and well, lets be honest, I’m just really mad at her.

And you know, I wish I wasn’t mad at her for doing this. I wish I was better than that, than to hold a grudge at her the morning after, when she wakes up with boundless energy, trying to kiss me hello. But somehow I just can’t shake off the disappointment, and I can’t help but tell her that I wish she was better.

Tonight I sit here at my computer writing this,¬†listening for any noises coming out of her bedroom, hoping that if she doesn’t sleep well again tonight, that tomorrow I will be nicer. Tomorrow I will be better. That I will be able to hold her hand through this phase and find what it is she needs to sleep through the night again, rather than resenting the sleep that I’ve lost.

Also, I’m taking suggestions or advice from people who’ve been in this situation before, because you know, I’M TIRED.

I hope everyone is getting more sleep than I am!




4 thoughts on “For you, I wish I was Better

  1. Eleen

    I’m in the same situation right now (with the same exact feelings) because we came back from an overseas trip to Taiwan over a week ago. Here’s hoping this ends soon.

    1. Jody Post author

      Darby! How are you!

      I’m glad that i’m not alone, the anger makes me feel so much guilt!

      Hope you’re well, mama!



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