On Friendships


Victoria-and-Olive

Hello! It’s been a little while….how have you guys been?

This past week, my best friend Victoria came to visit me from Singapore. Victoria and I have known each other for a long time – we met when we were in grade school and have been inseparable ever since. Even when I moved to the US over a decade ago, we rarely go a week without speaking. She’s been there for all of my huge milestones, and we’ve watched each other evolve through the years – we’ve been together through it all.

When I became a mother, I wasn’t aware that many of my friendships would suffer. And to be honest, a lot of them have. Many of my childless friends have drifted away from me; and the fault isn’t solely theirs. My ability to answer phone calls and text messages has vanished, and going out for a late dinner seems like such an impossible spend of energy. Many a time, my desire to keep in touch is outweighed by the ability to find the right moment to. I know that to some friends, I seem to have vanished off the face of the earth. And so (and rightfully so…) they stop trying, too.

I don’t blame them.

But then sometimes, you meet a friend like Victoria. Or another one of my best friends, Jun. And even though you’re tired, and you’re up to your ears in diapers, and haven’t reached out – they call. They will keep calling. They will make sure that I come up for a breath, to say hello. They still want to tell me about their lives, and they want to hear about my marriage and my child. And they make an effort to get to know my child. For them, I will be eternally grateful.

So often us Moms make the excuse that our pre-kid, childless friendships falter because these friends ‘don’t understand’ how different your life has become. And sometimes, yes, this is the case; and losing (touch with) these friends is often painful. But I have a new view on this: becoming a mother has helped me weed out my weaker friendships – and has really shown me which relationships to focus on, instead of wallowing over the ones I’ve lost.

In the words of Elsa – Let it Go.

Have you lost friendships after having kids? How have you dealt with it? How has becoming a mother changed your friendships? I’d love to hear from you.

Have a great week ahead.

 

 

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3 thoughts on “On Friendships

  1. vickiho

    Life changes usually put friendships to the test, I agree, but some friendships don’t even need big changes to fall by the wayside. This one is for keeps. <3

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  2. everydaywithcharlieblog

    I used to go wayyy out of my way to make my childless friends feel comfortable when we hung out. I stopped though because it became too exhausting and felt very fake (on my part).

    I realized that my friends who truly love me adore & love Jayden. They want to hang out and get to know her. It’s the same for husband’s friends too – so impressed by those dudes.

    At the same time, I’ve also realized that I don’t necessarily love certain friends more just because they have children. It just depends on the friendship.

    …now that Jayden is older, I’m making a point to hang out with childless friends too. We get a babysitter after Jayden sleeps and go hang out with those friends. Of course, I do not do the whole stay-up-late-thing though – being that tired feels like death to me now. But it does feel nice…and necessary to have adult time.

    (IIIII hope this actually posts this time!!!!!!)

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