We order a lot of packages. One of the world’s most amazing things is Amazon Prime. One of the worlds most terrible things, is Amazon Prime. Free two day shipping is just…the devil. So anyway, we order things, a lot.

Which means FedEx and UPS delivery people are basically guests at our house.

The problem is when they announce that they’re here. They’re either ringing the doorbell, or banging (and I mean banging, because they don’t know how to knock) on the door. This annoys the dogs, who then start barking. This, in turn, wakes the baby, who is now CRYING. AND THIS HAS JUST MADE MOMMY REALLY ANGRY, BECAUSE SHE JUST SAT DOWN TO SOME INSTANT NOODLES AND RERUNS OF 30 ROCK AT 2PM.

So i’m looking for signs that I can put outside my front door to gently dissuade delivery men from announcing their presence. I can’t find any that sufficiently get my message across, though….

For example, WTF is this:


I don’t really care what she does when she wakes, I just want her to sleep right now so I can sit down for a second. Also, moving mountains…really…? I mean, she’s one. I’ll be happy if she just eats a meal without touching her hair.



Well this one just kind of makes me seem lazy, too. And also, this makes me worry about burglars or whatever who want to take the opportunity to be like WHATS UP when we’re all asleep in the house.

This one almost has it down pat. It says all the right things, but the bright, friendly colors don’t make it seem serious enough:


Like, oh hey, this is a suggestion, it’s okay if you totally forget to read this sign. BUT IT IS NOT OKAY.

Maybe I should make my own sign. Hmm………..

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