Crap


Olive is almost a year old. (T-18 days!)

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Olive at 11 months

I can’t believe it!

In the past year, I’ve spent so much of my time trying to get used to being a new mom, and arming myself with baby-crap to make sure Olive has the best start in life. Or to help her sleep. Or to help her eat. Or to help her poop. Or to help her……..everything.

In this past year, I’ve accumulated a bunch of crap which I only used a few times……or not at all.  I’ve had arguments with my husband about how much I was spending on this stuff. “But I need it, WE NEED IT!” I would wail. And he always gave in. Now, I’m being closed in by all this stuff. I try to put things away into closets, but I’m running out of doors I can shove things behind. (Plus, my husband balks at me everytime he tries to look for something specific – say, his suitcase….and all he can find are 98473976 sleepsacks/swaddles that didn’t work)

In honor of the almost-end of this crazy first year, I am going to list out the top three worst purchases I’ve made for Olive**. Sure, there are many other things I’ve wasted my money on for her….but these three…..yeah, my husband was probably right.

1. The Why Cry Baby Crying Analyzer

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CONFUSING LIES, YOU TELL ME!

When Olive was tiny I never, ever knew why she was crying. I had a really hard time distinguishing her needs, and that stressed me out. I hear about this MAGIC device that was supposed to take all the guess work out of it for me, and I was so tired and bleary-eyed I just bought it. You’re supposed to activate it while your baby is crying and it will let you know if your baby is Sleepy, Stressed, Hungry, Annoyed, or Bored. WELL, I GUESS OLIVE WAS JUST ALWAYS ANNOYED. Because every time I used that damn thing, she was annoyed. And also, I DIDN’T KNOW WHY SHE WAS ANNOYED, so I couldn’t fix it to make her stop crying. Now, I too, was annoyed.

Fail.

2. Summer Infant Fetal Heartbeat Monitor

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I’m sorry I’m too fat, please just work!

When I was pregnant, I was just as much of a worrywart about Olive as I am now. I wanted to hear her all the time, if she wasn’t kicking, I was convinced something was wrong. So, I went out to buy a fetal heartbeat monitor so I could keep tabs on the growing nugget. Only, this thing is a piece of crap. Seriously though, I probably just had too much fat on my belly (the insert DOES say that this doesn’t work as well on fat people, not kidding here folks)  but I could never hear anything. So I was then convinced something was REALLY wrong with Olive.

Fail 2.

Bad, bad bad purchase. Bad.

3. Every Single “Cute” Newborn/Baby Outfit that wasn’t practical.

I know, I know. I hate that I’m saying this too. But I’ve honestly wasted so much money on outfits that Olive has only worn once, because they were so…ridiculous. And she hated them, and she outgrew them in a breath. I wish she didn’t…I wish she had more occasions to wear that bear snowsuit or bear head. But we always waited for a special occasion, or she’d have a poop blowout so it wasn’t worth it. And we never really went out anywhere during her first 2-3 months anyway! We were holed up at home, scared to venture out, so she always wore cotton onsies and jammies. The cute outfits were never worn again.

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We used this cute mustache pacifier maybe…………twice.

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We never even took this snow-bear suit out of the house. This photo was literally the ONLY TIME she ever wore this. And if you notice, she’s just lying on her changing table. Fancy.

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Ooooooooooh this hat. I loved this hat.
She didn’t.

 

 

**Now, i’m not saying that these things don’t work at all…..they just really did not work for us.

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