I recently started to go to therapy to learn how to manage my stress. Stress is a trigger for my new fun hobby, migraines; and I really wanted to learn methods of coping with stress before it turned into a blinding headache.
Therapy hasn’t been what I thought it would be. Where I thought I would be learning methods of dealing with stress (cue images of counting to 10, or deep meditative breathing) , I’ve begun to unearth many forgotten or long-squashed-down feelings from my childhood, instead. Feelings I thought that I had made peace with, or didn’t even know existed at all.
Needless to say, it’s been an emotional time.
A couple of things I’ve learned so far:
1. I have zero sense of self awareness. I am shockingly unable to tell when I am stressed, or high strung, or in denial about something until it’s too late – then I am unable to cope with the mess of feelings.
2. I am struggling to find my identity now that I am a stay at home mom. My career has fallen by the wayside, but I think that it’s mainly because I never truly loved my job, or felt a calling to any one profession. Who i expected to be, and who I have actually become are very different people, and I’m still grappling with that.
3. I am still affected by my parents divorce – and all the repercussions from that split – which happened almost 20 years ago.
4. Now that I’m a parent myself, I am looking at my parent’s past decisions through different eyes.
5. I fear becoming a boring, one dimensional MOM PERSON who has no other interests, or skills, other than being a mom.
My brother (who is no stranger to therapy, and has also held my hand through my many post-therapy emotions) said that after therapy, I will be more aware of what’s eating away at me. Then I can learn how to cope with these issues and grow from there.
I guess it beats the other method I’ve been using … denial or avoidance.
I’m hoping for the best – that at the end of it all I’ll be mentally and emotionally happier and healthier…which means that I’ll be a better wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend.