So a few weeks ago I was just going about my day, taking care of Olive when I started to lose my vision. Everything started to get really bright all of the sudden, and over the next 30 minutes, things got progressively worse – my vision was blurry and pixelated, and there was a point where I was trying to read a text message from my husband and I couldn’t see the words on my phone. Then came the worst headache and nausea I had ever experienced in my life, and it lasted for four days after.
I’ve had headaches with visual disturbances before, and I’ve always just kind of ignored them. Being the worrier that I am, however, I always wondered if it was a sign of something more serious – like a brain tumor. After this particularly terrible episode (and pushing from my mother and husband) I finally made an appointment with the doctor. To make a long story short, she ended up sending me for a CAT Scan of my brain a few weeks later, and everything (thankfully) turned out to be normal. I guess I have new onset migraines – and my trigger turns out to be stress.
It took a good two weeks to get from going to the doctor to receiving my CAT Scan results, and in that period of time, I WAS CONVINCED I WAS DYING. I remember breaking down and telling my husband to remarry a good woman who would love our daughter as her own. I played out every terrible scenario in my head, and truly believed that I was doomed to leave my husband and infant daughter behind. I know it sounds crazy, but I really didn’t appreciate my mundane, normal everyday stuff until I was faced with the possibility that my life was going to be thrown into some terminal illness.
It’s been 5 days since I received my clean bill of (head) health from the doctor, and since then, every puddle of vomit I wipe up, every poopy diaper I wipe, and every dish I clean feels like a blessing. Because I am so lucky to be able spend time with my child to clean up her messes, and that I was able to share a meal with my husband and friends. I am lucky that for now, I am healthy.
I am so thankful for the Normal.
P.S: I am also so thankful for my family and friends who constantly called, texted, and checked in on me during these past few weeks. You know who you are, thank you for holding my hands through the crazy.
“Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return.” ― Mary Jean Irion